Creeped Out
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: Harley Quinn is once again forced to deal with her unwanted admirer, the Creeper, who has taken extreme measures to win her affection. Like kidnapping her. Which of the men in her life will out-crazy the other? Thanks to xLadyxLionheartx for the request - I hope she enjoys the result! :-)
1. Chapter 1

**Creeped Out**

Harley Quinn awoke with a groan as she opened her eyes. Her vision blearily returned to her as she blinked, a massive, aching pain throbbing through her skull. She didn't remember what the hell had happened last night, but whatever it was, she would have to ask Mr. J not to do it again.

"Rise and shine, sweetcheeks!"

A sudden shock shot through Harley's mind. That wasn't something Mr. J would say. And that wasn't Mr. J's voice. And she suddenly realized that she was tied to a chair, which Mr. J would always have untied her from before they went to sleep. So she wasn't with Mr. J. But who else would have…

She saw him, and groaned. "Oh, not you again!" she muttered. "Listen, buddy, when a girl says no, she means no! Just get that through your thick skull!"

"Maybe, baby, but I'm a determined guy who don't give up easily."

"You're an obnoxious creep," growled Harley.

"An obnoxious Creeper," he corrected, grinning. It was indeed the Creeper standing in front of her, looking as goofy as ever. Harley didn't understand the look – was he meant to be Tarzan or something? Or was that really the best costume he could come up with? Say what you liked about her and Mr. J, at least they both had style.

"I asked around on how best to go about winning over Harley Quinn, and the guys said you liked being tied up," continued the Creeper, crouched and circling around her. "So I thought I'd give it a shot."

"Mr. J is gonna kill you for kidnapping me," hissed Harley. "That is, if I don't have that pleasure first."

"Oooh, I like a girl who makes threats!" giggled Creeper. "What else do you wanna do to me, sweets?"

"Y'know, if Mr. J did this, I would think it was really romantic of him," said Harley. "As it is, it's just creepy. Like you. You're like a more annoying, less funny, less handsome, more pathetic version of Mr. J. And it's a version I don't like, and won't ever like. So why don't you untie me now before I forget to be nice?"

"Here's the thing, sweetie pie," he said, leaping up on the table next to her and smiling. "I like you. A lot. Like more than friends. I like you the way cats like yarn, like dogs like their tails, like bulls like a red sheet. In other words, you drive me crazy. And I wanna stick you with my horn."

"Is that meant to be romantic?" demanded Harley. "Cause it ain't. Jesus, you don't know the first thing about wooing a gal, and you especially don't know the first thing about me!"

"Well, I'm all ears, baby," he breathed, leaning forward. "Ready and willing to listen, as long as I can have a little kiss first."

"You can have a kick in the nuts!" retorted Harley, kicking upward so that he fell backward with a gasp. "I ain't the kinda gal who kisses other guys when I'm with someone already! So get that through your thick head, Creepo! You and me just ain't gonna happen! You may wanna be Mr. J – you may try stealing his act and having his hair and stuff, but you ain't Mr. J! And I'm Mr. J's property, which nobody else touches but him!"

"Oh, I see, playing hard to get, huh?" asked Creeper, grinning. "Well, that's no problem, toots, I like it rough! And I can wait, if I have to! Sure I'm a maniac, but even a maniac doesn't let the perfect girl slip through his fingers! And I'm sure you'll change your mind, once you get to know me! You like crazy guys, right? Well, I am as crazy as a barrel of monkeys!"

And he began leaping around the room, chattering. Harley stared at him, thinking maybe the costume did make sense now. The man clearly had no idea how to make himself attractive, whether to women or in general. What a loser.

"Listen, Creepo, this has been fun, but the joke's over now, ok?" she said, looking around for a clock. "I gotta get home. Mr. J will miss me."

"Jokes? You want jokes?" he asked, leaping up onto the table in front of her again. "Of course you do, you like the Joker! Well, I can be a funny guy too!"

"No, that's ok, please don't try…" began Harley.

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Any guesses? Huh? Give up? Nacho cheese!" He laughed hysterically, while Harley stared back at him, blankly.

"Mr. J tries to avoid puns," she said. "They ain't funny, see. Not unless someone dies just before or after you say them. Then they're hilarious. But puns about cheese – I mean, you can see that's painfully unfunny, right? Geez, and Mr. J says _I'm _not funny," she muttered.

"Ok, ok, ok, let me try another one," he said. "How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Huh? Huh? Whaddya think? Just one, but it takes nine visits!"

He laughed again. Harley's eyes narrowed. "I used to be a psychologist," she growled. "And I don't find jokes demeaning the hard-working men and women engaging in a profession that tries to help people amusing!"

"Aw, c'mon, baby, lighten up!" he said. "Tell me how I can make my little clown girl laugh! Would she like me to drop my pants?"

"I probably really would laugh then," retorted Harley. "But not for the reasons you want. What would really make me laugh is to let me go. 'Cause I don't find this very funny, and neither will Mr. J. And you don't wanna piss him off, trust me."

"I'm not afraid of your boyfriend, sweetheart," he replied, grinning. "I roughed him up good last time we met, as I recall."

"Nobody roughs up Mr. J except Batman," retorted Harley. "You may be terribly dressed and horribly unfunny, but you ain't Bats."

"I'm bats about you!" he chuckled.

"What did I just say about puns?" snapped Harley. "I don't see nobody dead, Creepo, except you, in a second, if you don't let me go right now!"

"Oh, I like a fiery girl!" he exclaimed, embracing her.

Harley headbutted him. "And what did I say about touching me?!" she shrieked. "Mr. J is the only one who listens to me, I tell ya! It's unbelievable! Am I speaking a different language here?!"

"You're speaking the language of love to me, toots," he murmured, grinning. "And I'm a fluent speaker myself."

"Seriously, Creep, this ain't funny," growled Harley. "And I'm a dangerous girl when I ain't amused. This is my last warning. Let me go, or you won't even be able to creep by the time I'm through with you."

"Keep those threats coming, baby," he replied, smiling. "See, I'm the kinda guy who believes in love. I believe that true love conquers all. True love, or being tied up and held prisoner until you change your mind. It's gotta work, right? I mean, it's crazy, and so are you, and so am I! We were made for each other, sweetie!"

"I was there when you were made, and I don't remember Mr. J saying 'This is for you, Harl,' when he threw you into that acid," she retorted. "You're just a deluded jerk, not anything like the homicidal, psychotic madman I'm in love with. So don't kid yourself. You can keep me tied up as long as you want, but I won't ever change my mind."

"Challenge accepted!" he cried, laughing as he leaped off the table. He scuttled to the door. "Be sure to call me if you need anything! Fiery little kitten like you probably has a lot of needs to satisfy, and Creeper's the guy to satisfy them, believe me, sugarcakes! Just call out Honey Lover when you need me! Toodles!"

He left, slamming the door behind him. Harley sighed, and leaned back, shutting her eyes. She had confidence that Mr. J would be along to rescue her soon. She didn't know how long she'd been gone, but he must be missing her terribly…

Then she suddenly remembered. He was in the middle of planning one of his schemes. He didn't notice anything when he was doing that – usually didn't eat or sleep for days, let alone have any awareness of the world around him. She could be here weeks.

She sighed again, and started working at her ropes. "Have to do everything myself," she muttered. "Why me, I ask ya? Life's just so unfair. What have I ever done to deserve a crazy, clingy nutjob stalking me? It's karma for something, I guess, but I'll be damned if I know what…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Harley!" shouted the Joker, keeping his eyes fixed down on the paper in front of him. "Harley! I need a ruler!"

He had been sketching a series of intricate plans in order to trap Batman. Now that the sketches were becoming clearer, he wanted to make sure they looked appropriately well-thought out, and nothing said firm determination like a perfectly straight line. Plus he hated messy blueprints. Not that he was OCD or anything – he just enjoyed method in his madness.

"Harley! Ruler, you useless dame! Now!" he shouted again, as he idly drew a few more knives in Batman's chest. He supposed he could always get up and go get the ruler himself, but it was all the way across the room, and Harley was probably closer, wherever she was. And what was the point of keeping her around if he didn't use her? Worthless woman. Never around when you needed her, just all the other twenty-three hours of the day, clinging to him like a noose around a condemned man's neck. But it was unusual for her not to have come by now…

"Harley!" he yelled. "I'm gonna get up and beat your face in with a ruler if you don't bring me one right now!"

A ruler was suddenly placed into his hand. "Bout damn ti…" he began, but suddenly leapt back with a surprised shriek when he realized that it wasn't Harley who had handed him the ruler. It was Batman.

"You…you're not supposed to be here!" he exclaimed, hurrying to cover the plans. "How did you even find this hideout?!"

"It's an abandoned warehouse belonging to Funnibone Shipping," retorted Batman. "You could hide someplace truly unexpected, or someplace that suits your image. You'll always go for the latter."

"Touche," retorted Joker. "Well, since you haven't attacked me yet, I can only assume you're not, in fact, going to beat me senseless and have instead come here on a personal visit, in which case I feel I should offer you a drink. Harley!" he shouted. "Come in here and make Bats a drink!"

There was no response. "Harley! Don't be rude! We have company! Get in here and be a good hostess, you utter waste of space!" he shouted.

Again, no response. Joker gave a nervous chuckle as Batman just looked at him. "I have trained her, Bats, I promise," he said. "Harley! You're embarrassing me! Get your worthless ass in here right now!"

"I thought it was a joke at first," said Batman, quietly. "But you really don't know, do you?"

"Know what?" he demanded. "Harley! Now!"

"Harley's not here," he retorted. "She's been kidnapped."

"No, she's not, she's just being lazy," he snapped. "Harley, if you don't get in here right now…"

"She's been kidnapped," repeated Batman, firmly.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bats!" snapped Joker. "Who would kidnap Harley? She's completely useless!"

"The Creeper," retorted Batman.

"Who?" asked Joker, puzzled.

"The Creeper," repeated Batman. "The man you called a lunatic."

Joker thought for a moment. "Oh, him!" he exclaimed, suddenly. "George of the Jungle! Complexion of a lemon! Really doesn't have the figure to pull off that costume! That guy?"

"Insane crush on Harley Quinn," added Batman. "Yes, that guy."

Joker whistled. "Well, that's unlucky. For Harley, I mean. When did this happen?"

"Three days ago," retorted Batman. "How do you not know?"

"I've been working, Bats," he retorted. "I'm a driven guy. The world is dead to me when I'm working. Which is appropriate, since I'm often working on how to make the world dead!" he chuckled.

Batman continued to stare at him. "I know it's the Creeper who kidnapped her," he continued, as if Joker hadn't spoken. "I found traces of his boa at the scene. But I don't know where he's keeping her. I thought I could ask you for some insight into the Creeper's thoughts, since both your minds were twisted by the same chemicals."

"Please don't compare me to that unfunny psychopath in any way," sniffed Joker. "We may have had the same unfortunate accident befall us, but we are, I assure you, two completely different types of men."

"Certainly where Harley is concerned," agreed Batman, nodding. "But there's definitely a case to be made that he's the more crazy version of you."

The light in Joker's eyes suddenly turned murderous. "Watch it, Bats," he hissed. "Nobody out-crazies the Joker, you hear me? Nobody."

"He's certainly out-smarted me on this one, which is something you still haven't been able to do," retorted Batman. "Anyway, if you don't have any ideas, which I didn't really think you would, I also came by to pick up a piece of Harley's clothing. There's a gadget I have that can track traces of people from their clothes, a bit like a dog tracking a person's scent."

"Do you call it the Bat-dog?" chuckled Joker.

"I call it the Bat-tracer," retorted Batman.

"I knew it would be Bat-something!" laughed Joker. "Aw, Bats, you're so predictable! But sure, you can have anything of Harley's you want – I'm sure she won't mind. Harley!" he shouted "Bring Bats one of your…oh, wait, that's right, she's been kidnapped," he said, remembering and chuckling. "I'll just show you our room and you can help yourself."

Joker led him down the hall. He opened the door to reveal a purple room decorated with souvenirs of previous encounters with Batman, newspaper clippings detailing Joker's crimes, and novelty joke items. The bed was purple, with purple sheets, and a little Joker and Harley doll lay on their separate pillows.

"Harley's closet's on the left," said Joker, nodding. Batman went over and tripped slightly over another doll on the floor. "Oh, that's…um…Harley's," said Joker, quickly, as Batman picked it up. It was a Batman doll.

He dropped it and went over to the closet, selecting one of Harley's tops. He scanned it with a gadget at his belt, and it began to beep. He nodded. "It's tracing her. If I plug it into the Batmobile I should be able to drive straight to her location. Are you coming?"

"Aw, Bats, you know I'd always love to share a wacky adventure with you!" exclaimed Joker, beaming. "But since you're on the case, I'm sure you have everything under control. Anyway, I am working…"

"Are you scared of him?" interrupted Batman.

"Scared? I'm the Joker, Batsy, I ain't scared of nothing," he retorted.

"Then you'll come with me to save your girlfriend from a raving maniac, won't you?" asked Batman.

"Look, I'm a busy man, and I don't really have the time to get Harley out of this mess she's gotten herself into, so why don't you just…"

Batman cuffed him and dragged him out of the warehouse and into the Batmobile. "As I was saying, why don't you just handcuff me and take me to the Batmobile so we can be on our way?" chuckled Joker. "Gotta say, this should be a blast, you, me, Harley, Lemon Man, sounds like a recipe for a lotta fun!"

Batman was silent, as he returned to the front seat and drove off. "So how's the family, Bats?" asked Joker. "How's your kid? How old is he now, anyway? About the same age as the first Boy Blunder when I beat him to death, or a little younger?"

Batman didn't respond, staring straight ahead. "And how's the Bat-dame?" he continued. "Do you and she have a thing going on? I think I feel some tension between you when you're both beating me up. Aw, c'mon, admit it! We're best buddies – you can tell me! I don't blame you if there is, y'know – feisty little minx in a skin-tight costume, I mean, what man in his right mind or out of it could resist that? I don't with mine, let me tell you! And there's definitely something exciting in the whole power game thing, isn't there? You know, the fact that she's under your control and trusts you and does what you tell her – that's pretty hot, am I right? I know I am. You and me, Batsy, we _are _the same type of man, not like that yellow freak! The only difference is I take advantage of the girl in my power, while you seem almost incapable of forming relationships with anyone except me and other criminals. Kinda sad, isn't it, Batsy? Do you ever get lonely? Is that why you're brooding all the time? Is that why…"

"If you don't stop talking, I will gag you," snapped Batman. "And I haven't washed the gag from the last time I used it on Poison Ivy. I don't think you want what she's got."

"Nah, I don't know where she's been," agreed Joker. "She gets around, you know, like those dandelion seeds you blow. And she does things with plants you wouldn't believe, or so Harley tells me. You wanna hear about that? C'mon, Bats, I know you're curious…"

"The gag threat still stands," interrupted Batman.

"Fine, fine," muttered Joker. "But I hate silence. It's so tense and awkward. Can I at least whistle?"

"Not unless you want to whistle through the gap in your teeth in future," muttered Batman.

"Can I hum?" pressed Joker. "Please, Batsy? I'll be your best friend."

"You may sing, quietly, to yourself," retorted Batman.

Joker chuckled. "Thanks, Bats, you're the best!" he grinned. Then he began to sing: "_I'm in the mood for love, simply because you're near me. Funny, but when you're near me, I'm in the mood for love…_"

Batman's hands tightened on the wheel, but he kept his eyes fixed on the tracer. Almost there, he told himself. Almost there.


	3. Chapter 3

"Wakey, wakey, honey kitten," purred a voice as Harley felt his arms come around her again from behind. She sighed, then slammed her head back, smashing it into his skull.

"I can see why Mr. J finds this tedious," she murmured to herself as the Creeper leapt backward, howling in pain. "There's nothing more annoying than someone all over you when all you want is a little personal space. I actually feel kinda bad for clinging to him all these years. Well, I'll be better when I get home, I promise. And Creepo, I know you've got a thick skull as I just slammed mine into it, and it hurt, but don't you get it yet? I ain't gonna fall for you! So can we please stop this silly game?"

"Not until I win the game, sugar," he replied, grinning. "You ready to let me call bingo? To say uno? To cry yahtzee?"

Harley sighed. She had really, really hoped she wouldn't have to do this, but she didn't see any other way out of it. The knots were good, the ropes were strong - this was the only option. So she steeled herself, put on her most seductive smile, and murmured, "You know your games. I'm impressed. I'm a fan of twister myself. You know that one, Creepy? People getting all tangled up together? Sure wouldn't mind playing that one with you, if you know what I mean."

"Oooh, I like a girl who uses games for dirty talk!" exclaimed Creeper, laughing.

"And I like a guy with green hair," murmured Harley, grinning. "And a manic personality. And a crazy laugh just gets me revving. I stand by what I said earlier, you ain't Mr. J. But you are like a more…agile version of him. I like a guy who's active, if you get what I mean. Shows a lot of stamina, and virility. Might be kinda exciting to be with Mr. J, and yet not Mr. J," she whispered. "I'm a pretty agile gal too, y'know. I used to be a gymnast. I'm real flexible."

The Creeper could not have looked more excited. "So…you wanna do some acrobatics, baby?"

"I sure do," she murmured. "Can't do them all tied up like this, though, can I? You wanna see how much I can bend, all you gotta do is untie me, sweetie. That is, unless you don't want me."

"Do I look crazy?" he exclaimed, hurrying to untie her.

"No," she murmured, grinning, as he released her. "But you do look stupid."

And she punched him in the face. He fell back and she ran for the door, but found it locked. "Now who's the stupid one?" he giggled, grinning, as he approached her.

"To be fair, I didn't call you stupid, I just said you looked it," she retorted. "That's a fact, not an opinion, by the way. Just like it's a fact that I will never, ever be with you, Creepo!"

"Hey, you should never say never," he said, grabbing her arm. "That's not positive thinking."

"I said no!" she snapped, wrenching her arm away.

"And no is such a negative word," he chuckled, seizing both her arms and pulling her close to him. "C'mon, baby, accentuate the positive! Eliminate the negative! And latch on to the affirmative - don't mess with Mister In-Between," he murmured, leaning forward to kiss her.

"The lady said no, creep!" growled a voice. Harley opened her eyes in astonishment as the Creeper was struck on the head and fell backward. She saw the Joker standing behind him, holding Harley's hammer. "And when Harley says no, she means no. Unless she's with me – then she means 'oh God, yes please! And make it hurt!' Right, kiddo?"

"Mr. J!" breathed Harley, adoringly. "My hero! How did you…behind you, puddin'!" she exclaimed, pointing at Batman.

But to her surprise, Batman ignored Joker and went to confront the Creeper. "Catch, pumpkin!" said Joker, tossing her hammer at her and withdrawing his gun.

"Bats and you…working together?" gasped Harley, astonished.

"For you, baby, why wouldn't we?" replied Joker, grinning. "Anyway, this guy ain't no joke. It's going to need both of us to take him down…"

But Creeper suddenly dealt Batman a swift blow to the skull, then leapt behind him and kicked him to the ground. He grabbed him by the horns of his mask and then slammed his face into the floor, knocking him unconscious.

Joker and Harley stared at him, then at the Creeper. "Hoo boy," muttered Joker, adjusting his collar nervously. "Guess that just leaves us to take him down, then."

"Beaten the Bat at the dance-off!" chuckled Creeper. "Let's see your moves, Mr. Happy!"

Creeper sprang at Joker. "Mr. J, lookout!" shrieked Harley, knocking him out of the way. She swung her hammer, hitting the Creeper in the face as he leapt and knocking him backward.

"Hey, stop hitting on me, baby!" laughed Creeper, shaking his head and recovering himself instantly.

"Hitting on me? He thinks that's funny?" snapped Joker.

"I told him about puns, Mr. J!" replied Harley. "He don't listen!"

Creeper jumped at her, knocking her to the ground and making her drop her hammer. "Get offa her!" shouted Joker, firing at him. He sprang off, but easily avoided the bullets Joker continued to shoot at him.

"Harley, get behind me," he said, helping her up and stepping in front of her. "Wouldn't want to accidentally shoot you – it'd be a waste of a bullet."

"He's too quick, Mr. J," whispered Harley as Creeper bounded around the room, dodging the shots.

"I know, I'm just formulating a plan," he muttered. "The shooting helps me think."

Harley clung to him as he fired, then he suddenly turned to her. "Trust me, pooh," he muttered, grabbing her arm.

"What…" began Harley, but he shoved her forward abruptly. The Creeper saw she was vulnerable and leapt at her. Just before he reached her, Joker grabbed her hat and suddenly pulled her back, shoving the palm of his hand forward to meet the Creeper's face. It collided with the Joker's joy buzzer, and a massive electrical shock shot through the Creeper. He screamed and writhed until the Joker removed his hand, and the Creeper fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Shocking behavior," said Joker, beaming. "You hear that, you dumb freak? That's a situation when puns are funny!"

Harley giggled hysterically. "Oh, Mr. J!" she exclaimed, embracing him tightly. "You saved me!" Then, remembering her resolution, she suddenly let go of him. "Thanks," she said, simply.

"Don't mention it, pooh bear," he said, puzzled at her sudden lack of clinginess. He was expecting a little more from her after saving her life. But he assumed she was just traumatized from the kidnapping and shrugged. "C'mon, kiddo, let's go before they both wake up," he said. "Batsy can take Creepo somewhere where he can't bother us no more, and I don't have to be offended by his crimes against comedy. Or fashion."

"I'm so glad you think he looks stupid too!" exclaimed Harley.

"I got eyes, don't I?" he demanded.

"Well, I thought it might have been just me," she replied as they walked out of the building together. "I mean, what's it meant to be? Some kinda Flash Gordon meets Tarzan look? I used to think the Riddler didn't know how to dress, but this guy makes him look fashionable!"

"This town is getting full of all kinds of styleless criminals," sighed Joker, forlornly. "I blame Bats. He must attract the lunatics, being a bit of a fashion disaster himself. And not a music lover, did you know that, pumpkin?"

"I don't know what you see in him, puddin'," sighed Harley. "I really don't."


	4. Chapter 4

Joker woke up the next morning being able to breathe. That was odd. Normally Harley was choking him with her embrace, her arms wrapped around him as if for dear life. He rolled over to see that she wasn't even in bed, and began to wonder if she had been kidnapped again. She never left the bed while he was still in it, unless he ordered her to let go of him and go make coffee or breakfast or something.

He pulled on his robe and left the bedroom, entering the living room, where he saw Harley sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up and beamed as he entered. "Morning, puddin'!" she exclaimed.

"Um…morning," he said, gazing at her. "You feeling all right, Harley?"

"Sure I am, never better!" she replied. "And yourself, Mr. J?"

"Oh…yeah…fine," he stammered. "Just a little unusual for you to be up on your own, y'know."

"Oh yeah, that," she replied, turning a page of her book. "The thing about that is, Mr. J, ever since my experience with Creepo, I've come to realize how annoying it is to have people clinging to you all the time when all you want is a little personal space. And it made me realize how annoying I must have been to you all these years, when I'd insist on hanging on you and being all over you and not letting you breathe. So from now on, I've resolved to be a lot better. No clinging to you, no invasion of personal space, I'm just gonna be a calm, collected, respectful lover from now on. Ain't that good news?"

"Oh…sure, terrific," he said, grinning. Finally, after all these years, the dame had got the message. This was going to be wonderful. Assuming she stuck with it, of course.

But Harley was a determined girl. When she resolved to do something, she did it. And it was great for the first few days - the Joker really enjoyed being able to breathe, and not having to push Harley off of him, and not having to struggle to avoid her needy embrace or constant kisses. But after awhile, much as he didn't like to admit it to himself, he began to miss her moments of over-affection. He began to miss having to struggle with her, or shove her away. The incessant clinginess was a huge part of what made her Harley, and she didn't seem much like herself without it. And what was the point of Harley if she wasn't herself? It just seemed wrong. He missed the old Harley, and he wanted her back.

Of course he could never tell her that. So he tried to think of a good way to broach the subject with her.

"Harl, we need to talk," he said, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

Harley's eyes suddenly widened in surprise. "Are you breaking up with me?" she gasped.

"What? No!" he snapped. "What makes you think that?"

"That's just what guys say when they're going to break up with you," replied Harley. "I read it in a magazine."

"What have I told you about reading those goddamn magazines?" he retorted. "Anyway, when have I ever broken up with you by saying that? Why wouldn't I just throw you out, as usual?"

"I dunno. I just thought…I've been a little emotionally distant lately, and I thought you might be losing interest or something," murmured Harley. "The truth is, Mr. J, I don't like my new resolution much. I miss being overly affectionate toward you. But you're just so happy with it that I can't bear to disappoint you by stopping now. You are enjoying it, aren't you, puddin'?" she asked him.

"Of course I am, pumpkin pie," he said, quickly. "You know me – I ain't the kinda guy who likes a dame clinging to him all the damn time. You know how annoying it was for me when you were always all over me. Had to keep shouting at you and shoving you away."

"Yeah," agreed Harley. "It's better this way, I guess." She sighed, and they were silent.

"See, the thing is, sweets," began Joker. "I don't like all that clingy, affectionate stuff. You know that. Hate it. You don't know how much you used to annoy me, how much I just wanted you off my back. But…well…the thing is…the thing is, cupcake…I kinda miss shouting at you and shoving you away."

She looked up at him, hopefully. "Yeah?" she breathed.

"I don't miss the affection, you understand," he added, hastily. "Just the reaction to the affection. You know, the insults and the hitting and the yelling. That's the kinda stuff I enjoy. Not the clinging. You get that, right?"

"Sure I do, Mr. J," she breathed. "So you want…me to stop this? You want me to return to the old Harley?"

"I don't care either way," he retorted. "You do what you want, Harley. But whichever way you choose, it's ok with me. That's all I wanted to say."

Harley beamed at him. "Aw, Mr. J!" she exclaimed, leaping into his arms and kissing his face repeatedly. "Aw, puddin', I love you so much!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he muttered, pushing her away. "Just cool it, would ya?"

"My big, brave, strong hero!" she cooed, ruffling his hair. "My precious, perfect puddin'!"

"Look, just get offa me, you worthless dame!" he shouted, shoving her. "Jesus Christ, what have I done to be stuck with a such a pathetic, annoying, useless woman? You keep at this and I'm gonna beat you into the ground!"

Harley beamed. "I missed your threats too, puddin'," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "But don't worry. You have your old Harley girl back, and she ain't ever gonna stop clinging to her gorgeous puddin'."

"Great," muttered Joker, glumly, but his eyes shone as he glared at her. "Just great."

**The End**


End file.
